the geographer

if you have a college student living at home

Recommended Posts

the geographer

What are your house rules for them?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
HannahB

What are your house rules for them?

 

Do you mean a college student living at home all the time or one that just lives at home during breaks and the summer?

 

Dd goes to college away but is home during breaks and the summer. We also have an adult child (23) who lives at home. I'll share if either of these would help you.

Edited by HannahB

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
the geographer

More for one living at home all the time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
HannahB

More for one living at home all the time.

Ah. Don't have one of those. I hope someone comes along to help you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Moxie1

Do you mean a college student living at home all the time or one that just lives at home during breaks and the summer?

 

Dd goes to college away but is home during breaks and the summer. We also have an adult child (23) who lives at home. I'll share if either of these would help you.

 

Exactly my situation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Moxie1

I lived at home and commuted to college.  I was allowed to stay out as late as I wanted.  Since I was in the pool or gym at 7 am it was not very late.  LOL.

 

My family just continued on from high school rules but eased them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Merry

My college son lives at home, but we really haven't changed much. We haven't talked about a curfew because he doesn't go out to party. He does go to a college group once a week, and is usually out until 11 on those nights. We consider it common courtesy for all members of the house (including parents) to let each other know where they are going and about when they'll be home, how to reach them etc... We also consider it courtesy to call if you go one place but then end up going somewhere else, or if you're going to be late. Ie, the night both of my kids went to a youth hangout in another town, then stopped for ice cream on the way home--they called to say they stopped for ice cream.

We don't have gas rules because my son isn't working--we wanted him to focus on academics solely the first year. My teen daughter works, but it's a babysitting job and not a lot of gas used, so we don't require her to pay for gas either. We have discussed with them that if they had a regular job or if they wanted to go out a lot, we'd then need to talk about paying for gas. But for school, youth group, babysitting, and an occasional trip to the store or out with friends, we didn't feel it was necessary. Oh, we do have one gas rule--when the car gets to 1/4 tank, let mom know! (I usually send them with my cc to go fill it up.) I don't drive the car my kids use often, so they need to let me know.

We've actually also discussed with them that if either ended up living here after graduation because they wanted to save up money for marriage or a car or house etc..., we'd talk about equitable rent/household expenses at that time. IE, you're welcome here, but working adults all help carry the load.

My son still has weekly chores (but on busy study weeks, we let things slide and then he catches up later). He still mows the lawn, he and his sister take care of all the leaves in the fall (and we have a lot), he'll shovel in the winter etc... Both teens will run to the store to pick something up for me (that's kind of the trade-off for being able to use the car other times!) Basically, regular household duties, again, because people living together all help out. I think my kids are really used to that being the family climate here because of my husband being disabled. Sometimes we have to drop everything to help.

I don't have rules about when to study etc...--I let him figure that out. However, I have stepped in a couple of times to help with scheduling time for a paper, or to help him see he really DIDN'T have time to watch videos with all he had coming up. For the most part, though, he's been self-regulating and has come up with his own methods of studying.

Oh, no walking alone at night (except the back yard). Get a ride, call for a ride, take the car...don't go walking. Just not a good idea.

I just asked both my son and my daughter individually what rules we have, and each one got this confused look on their faces, laughed, and said they didn't know our rules! I guess we've just always talked about what's courteous and respectful of others and gone from that angle rather than talk about rules and consequences.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Little Women

I have pretty much tried to understand how college life usually works and replicate that at home as much as possible.   This means things like:
1.  Not trying to enforce a bedtime.   If needed, I sometimes tell her she has to go into her room and shut the door because the light is a problem.  (Dh doesn't fully agree with this, so sometimes she does get sent to bed, but I try to minimize this.)

2.   Recognizing that schoolwork takes up a huge amount of time.  Many of the typically assigned jobs will not get done, so I have to adjust.   A college student on campus typically shows up to meals, does his/her own laundry, and occasionally cleans their room and/or bathroom, and they all feel completely swamped by that.   So I try as much as possible to only require those things (and the room isn't done very often, either.)  Between semesters, I expect her to pick back up the major chores she had assigned in the past, but during the semester, I don't think she can manage it.

3.   Since she knows I will worry, I do expect her to tell me when she expects to be home. This also helps us figure out what we need to do for supper.

4.  She does take care of the cat, especially wrt feeding.  

5.  She is responsible to let me know if she needs me to buy something for her for school or food, and if she doesn't, she is not allowed to complain.  :)    

6.  She makes her own meals to take with her on long days.  

 

We are still working on things like putting away her stuff so it's not left all over the house and on unloading and rinsing her own lunch dishes when she gets home.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Samantha

Thanks to those who replied. That is helpful to me as my daughter will be in that situation next year. (DownUnder our university year starts in late Feb/early March, so it's coming up QUICK!)  HannahB, I'd be interested in your thoughts because, even if the circumstances are different, there would be some overlap of issues to consider.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Stringybark Sarah

I will be in this situation in February. I envisage Merrys scenario. No specific rules, but standards of courtesy. We don't actually have any independent drivers yet, so that's looming soon, and I'm sure we will have discussions about what we expect. Not sure what that is yet! I really don't see much difference needs to happen between this year and next year. Only the place of education has changed. He is the same person, we are the same family. We still do everything the same.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Susan in WI

Our "rules" really look like Merry's. My son is commuting daily. He also has two part time jobs. There isn't a lot of time for other stuff. He recently signed up for a winterim course as well...so his Christmas break will feel pretty short. He is motivated to get good grades and get out of school as fast as he can to start paying off his school loans. When able, he has friends over here, or he hangs out on Sunday afternoons unless he has a lot of studying. He helps out at home when needed: taking the garbage, shoveling, running errands, helping with laundry, etc. He has his own vehicle, makes his own payments and pays for his own gas to and from college. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Gilead

We pretty much have the same...standards of courtesy....I like that. I have 2 college age kids @ home, one at local state U and one @ CC. I ask that they let me know if they won't be home for dinner/home really late (past my bedtime). I ask that they go to church with us if they can. (DS usually works a full shift F/Sa/Sun, so isn't often available...tourism job.) DS has his own car and takes care of all expenses, payments, insurance, etc.; DD (graduated last June) drives the "teen car" and is responsible for gas & repairs. Both are still on our medical policy and neither pays rent because they are, at this time, f/t students. DD has two part-time jobs...one in summer when the senior center pool is open and two now that the pool is closed for the winter; she's an in-home aid for several seniors or disabled clients...just got started on that one.

 

If they fall below f/t units, they pay us for car insurance and something for rent. Both help around the house as asked.

 

In our area, a one-bedroom apartment is upwards of $1500/month; a room is upwards of $800. It's crazy! I don't see either of them moving out until done w/school.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Momof4JackAttacks

We have very few rules for our 20 yo ds living at home going to a local university full time and works part time about 20 hours a week. He has no curfew, but he doesn't party either. He is involved in the church college group, Intervarsity Christian Fellowship, local soccer club and marketing club at school. He is paying for his own tuition, gas, and car insurance, does his own laundry. He still helps with some chores around the house (occasionaly doing dishes, folding clothes for the whole house - he likes doing this, mows the lawn and shovels driveway).  He cooks for himself occasionally. He is very responsible and gets good grades, has made the Dean's list.  If he gets all his classes in, he will graduate the Spring of 2017 with a Bachelor's in marketing. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LindaOz

My 20yo college dd lives at home and the 'rules' are basically just what (we think) are reasonable 'living with others' type rules.  She is part of the general running of the house which involves some cooking and chores.  She is involved in a lot of community and church events like band, musical, meetings etc, so we just like her to communicate with us about what's on and when, and approximately when she will be home etc - the same as what we would do if we are out and she is home. I see this as common courtesy when living with others. She doesn't have a bedtime - we stop bedtimes when the student finishes 12th grade.  I do like her to be part of our morning routine which includes being at breakfast at a good time so cleanup can happen.  She is part of our morning Bible time etc because that's part of our family life and she's still part of the family :girlwink: .  It has all worked quite well so far. :-)

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Daughter of Light

I REALLY like this thread of conversation. Makes me think we're more normal than I had imagined!😵😨😵 We have four children total. All live at home at this point and have been at home while attending college. Eldest DD is almost 27, college graduate spring 2015 and is in the process of finishing her 30 minute film, working on applying to grad school in the UK and will soon start a job at the local movie theater. Eldest DS is 24, has been doing a college computer science internship in a nearby larger town for the summer where he has had an apt. He'll come home in about a week to begin his last year of college. Youngest DD will begin college in a week. Youngest DD is 17 and is my last one in home education. My eldest DS is the only driver amongst them so far. He has a family car this summer and has paid insurance and gas on it. He just took the state certified motorcycle safety course and if his employer keeps him on while he comes home to finish school-that's the prayer at this point-he's looking to buy a cycle. Many of our household guidelines seen similar to ones mentioned here. My college students usually leave and stay on campus for the day. We text off and on throughout the day to keep trips to a minimum. They do let me know if they'll be home for supper, pack their own lunches and at least walk out the door with a breakfast in hand. We do not have a curfew and there are times they run on what I judge to be too little sleep but they need to be making their own choices. They do hang out with friends some but don't party. They have chores around the house but it's a lightened load compared to when they were doing education at home. Everything seems to work so far so good. It will be an interesting reentry for our son who's been on his own for the summer :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sandwich in Wi

I have a 17 yo hs graduate living at home on a gap year.  She'll be 18 in a month.  She's actually pretty much the same as she was before.  Not all that grown up yet.  She doesn't drive, so her schedule needs to go up on the weekly calendar in the kitchen.  She packs her own lunch and makes her own meals if she's not here at mealtime.  She's currently working 2 jobs, 5-6 days a week with 3-4 of those days 15+hrs. So there's not a lot of her left when she's not working!  She's on the chore rotation schedule, but with not being around much, she kind of squeezes it in when she's home.  Otherwise we pick up the slack.  She doesn't pay any rent or phone because she's saving up for college and has to pay that all herself.

 

We pay insurance, cell phone and gas for our oldest who is also putting herself through college.  She's a junior living on campus.  I send groceries with her when she comes home.  She's got a full course load, is an RA and works/volunteers 5-6 hrs/week and carries a 4.0, so I'm happy to chip in that little bit to make her life a little easier.  When she's home she doesn't have a curfew and can use the car.  She's good about letting us know her plans and even asking us first what plans we'd like her to be included in and she schedules around that.  She has a boyfriend at college in the opposite direction, so they often meet up at home on the same weekend.  We try to include him in our plans as much as possible so we can spend time with her.  His parents do the same.  She pitches in with little chores when she's home.

 

It's all been rather easy and as someone else mentioned, really just an extension of our family life and common courtesy all around.  It seems that most people who have chimed in have easy-going, family-oriented kids.  Anybody have any kids who push the envelope?  I have an 11 yo who definitely will!

 

Blessings,

Sandwich

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sarah Tippett

At this age, I would assume he should be pretty responsible. Let's be honest, that age will still make mistakes and still needs to make mistakes. Just the fact that he is still home will probably be an easy retainer in some ways. I would never allow partying / getting back super late / all of that stuff etc, but I would give him full freedom with a few basic rules that apply always.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
katiejane

I have two college students living at home. Both of them have jobs that keep them pretty busy. We don't really have any "rules" for them other than "let Mum know if you are going to be home for dinner" and "make sure you do the bins and dishwasher on your day". They also let me know where they are most of the time. My kids both own their own cars which they pay for themselves. They are adults and we treat them as such. Ds is getting married in 5 weeks so I'm glad we did it this way. :D 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Merry

Ds is getting married in 5 weeks so I'm glad we did it this way. :D

Congratulations!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
szasza

We have a Ds19 who is at an engineering university with a schedule that alternates between school section and work section 12 weeks at a time.  When he is at school he lives there (20 min away), carries 17-22 credits has to do his own laundry and cleaning and comes home on Sundays for church and lunch.  We have no comment on his schedule as we do not see him coming and going other than reminders that he needs to keep his priorities straight.  He is completely dependent upon himself to manage his time and learned this first semester that he could stand do a bit better at this if he want to get the grades he is accustom to.  

When he is on work section, he lives at home and works a computer science / IT co-op job 40 hours (+50 min one way commute) so he is pretty tired during the week.  The weekends, however, are a different story.  He is often out until 1 or 2 AM and we only ask that he lets me know where he is, when he plans to be home and that he is quiet when he gets home.  He goes to church with us on Sunday.  As for chores, he keeps his room clean, puts his laundry away, and he and his brother are responsible for trash.  Other than that we may ask him to help do some lawn work occasionally.  His chore load is pretty much the same as when he was in high school.  

 

Ok, I am going take the opportunity to attempt attach a pic with this new forum software so here goes...

 gray shirt 3.jpg

He he he :girlsmile: . Wow! Much, Much easier to attach pics, but wish I knew how to make this pic a bit smaller.  This is Nick, my college computer science major student - DS19- self proclaimed "geek".  

 

 

 

 

Edited by szasza
trying to make picture smaller...
  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sarah Tippett
On 11/22/2016 at 0:06 AM, szasza said:

We have a Ds19 who is at an engineering university with a schedule that alternates between school section and work section 12 weeks at a time.  When he is at school he lives there (20 min away), carries 17-22 credits has to do his own laundry and cleaning and comes home on Sundays for church and lunch.  We have no comment on his schedule as we do not see him coming and going other than reminders that he needs to keep his priorities straight.  He is completely dependent upon himself to manage his time and learned this first semester that he could stand do a bit better at this if he want to get the grades he is accustom to.  

When he is on work section, he lives at home and works a computer science / IT co-op job 40 hours (+50 min one way commute) so he is pretty tired during the week.  The weekends, however, are a different story.  He is often out until 1 or 2 AM and we only ask that he lets me know where he is, when he plans to be home and that he is quiet when he gets home.  He goes to church with us on Sunday.  As for chores, he keeps his room clean, puts his laundry away, and he and his brother are responsible for trash.  Other than that we may ask him to help do some lawn work occasionally.  His chore load is pretty much the same as when he was in high school.  

 

Ok, I am going take the opportunity to attempt attach a pic with this new forum software so here goes...

 gray shirt 3.jpg

He he he :girlsmile: . Wow! Much, Much easier to attach pics, but wish I knew how to make this pic a bit smaller.  This is Nick, my college computer science major student - DS19- self proclaimed "geek".  

 

 

 

 

What a great quality photo! Computer science is seriously such a solid major in todays world.

Edited by Sarah Tippett
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites